I haven't written on here in quite some time, and really it was almost out of personal choice rather than not having time to write. the week after spring break was very hectic and the past couple of weeks have been nice but frustrating.

i'm writing today because i'm frustrated, almost angered, and I kinda just want to vent. But I think generally it is not best to write out of emotion, but out of emotion comes who you really are right? maybe? I think really this is just going to help me get my thoughts down and I can reflect on things.

I'm frustrated with myself because I don't take the time to do everything I really want to do. I would love to write more but I just don't take the time to do it and I would love to exercise more but I don't in the interest of school work but then I generally put off school work and then I've missed out on both. I need to be spending more time nourishing my spiritual/religious life but for some reason I can find an excuse to make up for it.

I let other people frustrate me and then I become more frustrated with the fact that I let that bother me. I dont like seeing people waste thier life or the advantages that they have been given and it frustrates me more when that has a negative affect on others around them.

right now the rowing team is not working like it should and I just want to give up on it, but I feel as if I have too large of a stake in the team and the guys on it to not keep pushing forward. But why should I do this if it is taking away from what I need to do?

I think my problem is that I let too much affect me that shouldn't affect me. I allow my emotions to take charge and I shouldn't. so what if someone else is letting their life slip away, should I let that frustrate me? Should I be conscerned about just myself? maybe, but then again, maybe not.

I've been thinking more and more that it's probably best that I'm moving away next year so that I can start fresh. Not that what I have going on up here in knoxville is bad for me, but a chance to see who I really am all over again. When I came to UT my freshman year I really got to see what I was made of and I think now that I've matured more than I could have imagined I'll be a little surprised about what I see in myself next year, but not too much, because I'm aware of my habits and my personality, but your surroundings have a stake in how you behave.

I can't believe how fast this past semester has gone by and really how fast these past four years have gone by. If I could go back and change them I dont think I would change a minute of it. Though there might be a few things that I change, but in the overall picture of it, I would leave it the same. As I think back on everything from these past four years as I type this, I'm a little sad that it is all over, but at the same time, I'm ready to move on. I used to be afraid of graduating, but now I'm excited because of the road ahead and the new challenges and people that I will encounter along the way.

Speaking of challenges, I competed in the Navy Seal Extreme Challenge this past weekend. I came in 9th overall and 3rd in my age group. I fell like I did pretty well considering I know that I'm out of shape and that my age group is the hardest one since you are supposed to be in the best physical shape right around the age of 25 or 26. The guy that won over all was in my age group.

Anyways. I do feel a little better about my frustrations. Not that I really sorted anything out, but I think the fact that I got them off my chest. There is no reason to waste time being frustrated or aggrivated, you just need to make due with the hand you've been dealt and try to make things better as you progress.

I want to say that I'm in one of the best classes I've ever taken this semester. We're learning all about taxes and how the government raises money. and what a great time to be discussing this while our economy is not doing so great. we've learned about everything from how the tax system affects you from buying a bag of sugar(which costs about 5 times more here in the u.s. than in other countries because of subsidies), to buying a home(the gov't is encouraging you to buy a home you can't afford with all the tax credits which cost the government more than welfare and charitable giving credits combined), to how a person decides to save versus spend on a daily basis. And our teacher is the economic advisor for Tennessee, so it makes it more relavent I feel.

Well I need to be taking this time to study. I hope everyone is doing well.

piece

just real quick.

this whole AIG mess is outrageous. congress pretty much allowed for this to happen and what's worse is that congress has now set a precedent by retroactively taxing the bonuses. so now, say you make a good bit of money one year, they can say hey, lets tax that after you had made it. Pretty much the whole non representation thing.

and, why is there all of a sudden so much outrage over these bonuses. it's less than 10% of what the gov't gave them to begin with... which they probably shouldnt have done to begin with, and it's less, much less than the deficit that will be racked up by the new budget this year. they tout fiscal responsibility, but they demonstrate it. if there should be outrage, it shouldnt be directed toward AIG, but directed toward the people that gave them that money in the first place, congress and ourselves.

ok, time to go play golf with my dad. it's spring break, so i'm trying to mix school work with play time. i wrote a paper and have done some other homework, but not enough. i'll try and stay up late tonight and get some work done.

piece

p.s. it's pretty much official that i'm going to samford next year for law school. i wasnt too dissapointed that i did not get into UT, i think moving will be a good thing.

I haven't written on here in a while. i've been pretty busy. but after next week, we have spring break. and then after that week i have a test and a paper due, that i'll work on, hopefully, over spring break. but then! i am relatively free until finals. and when i say finals, i mean, when i graudate! i didnt sleep much last night, and i've been eating and drinking a lot of coffee. i've had many tests lately and hits hard to study ahead of time when you need to study for that immeadiate test. the test today was art history. exciting. it really was actually. because it is so new to me i didn't know what to expect. but i think i did pretty well. i hope.

so right now i'm vegging on the couch before i need to study for my finance test that i have tommorow. for the last test i studied for like two or three days and didnt do so hot, and i haven't studied at all for this one. but i have done all the homework and have a better understanding of hwat is going on this time. so i hope.

but i'm watching this cooking show. it's Lidia. she's itallian. or more like her grandmother is itallian. but i like her. she's cool. i feel like she is my aunt. haha. i'm going to try and make some dessert that i saw her make yesterday.

and what is up with soap operas. why do people watch those. i think i could act better than all of those actors.

we only get like 6 tv channels because comcast doesnt service our neighborhood. which is fine with me because that is one less bill i have to pay and less tv that i am tempted to watch. so there are a lot of cooking shows on public television and soap operas on the main channels all day. barney is on as well.

the weather is finally starting to get warm. i'm glad. i got accepted to valparaiso university which is near chicago. they got like three feet of snow a few weeks ago. i'm not cool with that. but i may go visit them over spring break. i havent heard back from UT yet, i'm still hopeful. and prayerful about them. i'm going to try and visit Samford next friday.

but back to the weather. i'm ready to start riding my bike to school again. and being able to run outside.

i need to figure out what i'm going to do this summer. but that has to do a lot with what i'm going to be doing next year. because if i'm staying in knoxville next year i'll just live up here over the summer and try to work. but if i'm moving somewhere else i'll probably head home over the summer. graduation is in about 9 weeks. probably more like 8. i never thought i would make it.

piece

i never did get around to writing down my goals for the semester.

1)try to make all a's and b's. if not b+'s
2)deepen my walk with God
3)keep up with my homework on a regular basis
4)read a book that is not assigned to me in class
5)find something worth-while to do over the summer

I know I haven't been keeping up with this very much, which isn't cool. i've been staying pretty busy though. but my finance test didn't go so well a couple of weeks ago. i may have mentioned that though. i can't remember.

if you haven't read my UT blog lately, you should. I went out on a limb with it and actually got some criticism form faculty. but nothing major.

I'm really excited about graduating now, mainly cause i'm ready to move onto law school. keep me in your prayers about that. I really want to go to UT, but if that is not what God wants, then i'm cool with it, but i'll have some decision making to do. I haven't heard back from UT yet.

I'm tyring to keep up with my school work. as in I want to not be consistently behind.

My mom told me to be weary in my religious studies class, but that is not what is challenging my faith. My one and only political science class is very much challenging my faith and why I actually believe it. But at the same time it is very interesting. I still believe in God though, and I can't imagine not believing in him. In that regard. And in the regard of this summer. I'm thinking about doing summer missions. But that usually costs money and I feel I should make some money this summer. So that is something to pray about as well.

time to get back to studying.

piece

I'm still here, don't worry. I've been pretty busy. I had a finance exam last week that didn't go so well, and my religious studies exam went a little better than I thought it would. It's a funny story, the test that is, but I dont have time for it. But I will say, that our teacher appoligized for his antics during the test and gave us a 30 point curve. very nice.

i'm still waiting to here back from some law schools. but i'm still excited about samford, but still praying about UT. But it is all in God's hands.

I have a geography exam on thursday... it's going to be rough. I'll be studying though.

hope ya'll are doingn well.

piece

In my last post I said I had two letters in the mail from law schools and that I thought they were probably rejection letters. two days ago when i got home from school i asked my roommate if i had gotten any mail and he said no. here's the convo:

Me:"hey man, did i get any mail". he knew i was expecting some letters
Him:"na man, just stuff for jessie"(our roommate/his sister)
Me:"well thats ok, that means i didnt get any rejection letters"
Him:"that also means there are no acceptance letters either"

i had even bothered to think about it like that. i had automatically given up on myself. but i had been praying that God knew what was right and that He was going to pleasantly surprise me.

well yesterday my mom called me and one of those letters got mailed to the house instead of mailed to knoxville. so i had them open it and i got accepted. i was so excited. it was samford university in alabama. it was really exciting. i'm still holding out for UT, but i'm glad to know that i got accepted somewhere. and i'm so thankful to God of course.

anyways. enough about all that.

i'm about to head to my cousins in cookeville. she just started school there this semester and she's been homeschooled forever before that, so i'm going to go hang out with her for the day. this weather is ridiculous. it snowed all week and now it's 50 degrees outside.

and my classes are crazy.

i need to put my semester goals on here.

i hope everyone is doing well

piece

i took a much longer nap today than i had planned on. oh well, as long as i can still get my work done i dont mind.

i have two letters from law schools in the mail. they'll probably be here tomorrow or friday. i'm afraid that they are both rejection letters. but, i'm still holding out for UT, and I know that God is looking out for me and the future, but I hate going through this whole application process.

school today was kinda drab, i just didnt feel like being there. i'm ready for the weekend already, not that i have much planned, but it'll be nice.

i really need to start studying for the night.

piece